A Mangled Heart and Soul
by luckstrikesme
Summary: I am still learning this process. This is chapters 1-5 I hope you enjoy it. I will update soon, btw all reviews appreciated. Jason is fed up and Helena has plans


This is my first fan fic on this site.....Please all criticism be constructive....I look forward to hearing from all of you. I have been a fan for several years of this site.

Ok I am hoping that I will get this right this time…I am still learning this site and how to work adding the chapters.

I haven't kept up with the day to day scripts, but I have kept up somewhat through the spoilers. I found them to be quite dismal. So I have changed a few things and added a new character or two..

The only bright spot on the show itself is the arrival of James Franco..

Hope you enjoy it..

Jason has been working on the transition of putting Sonny back in charge after the Russian/Zaccahra ordeal. Jason has befriended Johnny and he is doing jobs for him as well as working out of his motorcycle shop. Liz and Jake are not a part of Jason's life as the aftermath of the kidnapping left both parents feeling torn about the safety of Jake. Sam is doing her PI thing and not really involved with Jason. The whole Michael and Kristina mess never happened and Claudia has not answered for her part in Michael's shooting.

Chapter One

He doesn't realize the tears that are streaming down his face as his motorcycle easily glides past ninety miles an hour, he blames it on the wind and not wearing a helmet. The truth is, he just doesn't care anymore. He is so tired of everything and everyone. Everyone around him has a family, someone that they can go home to at night. Someone to hold them when the world is not right, to comfort them when they are hurting inside. Most of his "friends" have children that smile and greet them after a hard day at work. Everyone has a family, except him. He revs the engine higher the speedometer climbing past a hundred.

He has a son, Jacob Martin Spencer. He laughs at the name. His own son doesn't even carry his last name, but Jake carries the name of his enemy Lucky Spencer. What a cruel joke God has played on him when he gave him a son. A son that he can't claim because of his business, the fact that he is a stone cold killer.

He is the most feared mobster on the eastern seaboard and that includes Sonny. His reputation is fact, he kills without a moment of hesitation or emotion. He decides who lives or dies in the mob industry. Sonny may give the orders but it is Jason that pulls the trigger.

He stops his bike at the bridge. The famous bridge. This is where he has fell in love and had his heart broken. He turns off the bike and heads for the middle of the bridge. The midnight sky is filled with stars and a bright moon hangs overhead.

Jason hasn't told anyone, not even Carly, what his true emotions are in his heart. He is lost emotionally, his heart broken not wanting to feel anything. He has locked his feelings away not letting the world see how much pain he is in. Only there at the bridge with only the moon and stars as witnesses does he allow the tears to fall freely down his haggard face.

He silently screams for the son he gave up, for the life he longs for, and the love of a woman. Unconditional love, no holding back, no fears, no history, just a clean start.

He stares up at the stars silently cursing God for taking the people that he loves the most away from him when he needs them the most in his life; Alan, Emily, and his grandmother Lila. They were the ones he needed to talk with one last time.

Emily had been the rock of the Quartmaine family since Lila's death. She was always able to read his thoughts and to know what was bothering him. She would tell him what she thought, no matter if he wanted to hear it or not. Normally she was right. And most of all he knew that she loved him no matter what his job was or what others thought of him.

Alan, his father, never even knew that he was a grandfather. After the hostage crisis at the Metro Court, he had died before Jason could say goodbye to him at the hospital. Yet Jason knew what Alan would tell him, fight for your son. He is your son, your flesh and blood, don't let him go. Be a part of Jake's life no matter what it took. Most of all Jason never got to tell him he loved his father or to say good bye to him.

Lila, his grandmother, always there in her rose garden. She would talk with Jason over tea, listening to his heart. She always knew when he was having troubles yet she never condemned him for his choices. She would always offer her advice and always told him with a warm smile that she loved him.

Oh God how he missed them all; his body racked with the emotions that he had held in for so long. The man Jason Morgan; who could not have or show emotions broke his silence with a long piercing primal scream of "WHY?". He doubled over, his body convulsing with the gut wrenching sobs that escaped him. He slowly collapsed into a kneeling position, hugging his chest with his arms. He thought he was alone.

A dark figure lurked in the shadows of the night.

It was not hard to follow Jason Morgan, he had followed the same routine at night since he and the Webber girl had broken off their affair. He came to the bridge every night. He usually just rode his bike at outrageously fast speeds and then walked around the bridge for a short while before returning to the Penthouse he shared with a strange person named Spinelli.

Tonight was different from the other nights, it was almost like Jason had a black cloak hanging around him. The air crackled around him with despair. The shadowy figure watched as the great Jason Morgan broke down and let the anguish out of his soul.

The dark one watched as Jason's body shook from the silent sobs and felt a chill as Jason screamed "Why?" to the night sky. A momentary flicker of sympathy was felt by the shadow, hesitant at the future that lay ahead for Mr. Morgan, but it was only a flicker that soon was lost. "He is all but broken inside", mused the dark shadow.

"Soon, Mr. Morgan, soon you will see that none of this matters." A smile no one else could see lit up the face in the shadows.

Sorry it took so long....Trying to get everything set up for a move out of state...I haven't been watching the show, cant stand Sam being shoved down the audiences throat everyday...Sorry to all you JaSam lovers...Just isn't working for me...

Part 2

Finally, there were no more tears left to cry and no more primal screams left inside. Jason Morgan got up off his knees and walked back to his bike. He felt completely drained, void of any emotions left inside of his soul. He looked at the stars in the sky one last time before he straddles his Harley and says a quick prayer; as if anyone would listen to him anyway.

He rode back to the penthouse at a somewhat slower speed, his mind repeating; "I know who I am and what I am". The mantra kept going over and over, until the last words thought were; " and I am never going to change".

He arrived back at the penthouse, he didn't even bother to turn on the lights. He just put away his gun in the lock box in the closet. The quietness of the place bothered him, almost spooked him. Thoughts of what might have been started creeping back into his mind and he knew that he could not dwell on that anymore. He walked up the stairs to his bedroom.

The lamp beside the bed was the only one he turned on. The soft glow could not hide what he saw in the mirror over the dresser. "What has happened to me?", Jason looked at the face in the mirror and barely recognized it as his own. The lines around his eyes, the dark circles that lay beneath the once clear blue eyes. Before he realized what was happening, his fist smashes the mirror cutting the back of his hand. The anger inside of him must be released, in a matter of seconds the entire bedroom is destroyed and blood spatters are everywhere.

Jason stops. his breath is labored and he notices his bloody hand. He goes into the bathroom looking for the medical supplies. He knows they are in there, it is par for the course of being an enforcer. "You never know when you were gonna get shot, stabbed, blown up, or beaten up" he laughs sadly to himself. He bandages his hand, he knows that he needs stitches but doesn't feel like explaining the ER or the police what happened in his penthouse. They would not believe him anyway, they would want to know where the other guy was or if he killed him.

He looks in the bathroom mirror and truly sees himself. A man who has lost or given up all the things that have kept him alive since his accident. He thinks of Emily and what she would say to him. The one thought that goes through his mind, "Jase you deserve to be happy".

He goes back in his bedroom and amid the destruction finds his duffel bag and throws some clothes in it. "I have to leave", he thinks to himself, "I have to get out of here before I am looking down the barrel of my own gun".

He goes back downstairs and fires up his laptop, opening up the bank accounts that Benny set up for him. He looks at the balances and laughs, all that money and not one piece of happiness in his life. He changes the passwords so that no one can access them but him. He then goes to his safe and pulls out "Jason Quartermaine's" ID, passport, and credit cards. He takes his wallet out and puts "Jason Morgan" into the safe. "I may not remember who he was but I can be who I want him to be", he says closing the door.

He places a call to Max and tell him that he is going out of town for a while and to tell Sonny he will contact him in a few days. Max knows not to question Jason so he tells him he will let Sonny know in the morning.

Jason takes one final look around the penthouse and grabs his bag and walks out on the life he doesn't want anymore.

Chapter 3

The ride down the elevator to the parking garage was slow. He reached for the stop button several times. But he could not push it. A part of him kept being pulled to stay, that everyone "needed" him. But he knew that was all bullshit. No one needed him the way he desired of them. The elevator dinged at the garage level and the doors opened.

There were no guards on duty, he didn't need them. He was Jason Morgan, "the most feared man alive." The bitter laugh caught in his throat at the last thought, most feared man.

Any man can kill another man, just takes nerves to not deal with the guilt or maybe just a little brain damage. That's what Ric kept telling him, just a brain damaged cyborg of Sonny's. He cant think for himself or speak for himself without Sonny telling him its okay. For so many years he wanted to kill Ric but no, Sonny would not allow his little brother to be killed just taught a lesson now and then.

Jason walked past his motorcycle and was tempted to get on it but decided against it. He reached out and touched the leather seat remembering the different women who had rode on the back. He smiled at the memories of Robin and Elizabeth. They both truly enjoyed the bike as much as he did he thought with a smile. But the smile vanished as he thought of the happiness they both had found with Patrick and Nicolas. He knew that both would be happy. That hurt the most.

He turned and walked out of the parking garage. He walked for close to two blocks until he found a payphone. He called an old friend and asked for a ride to the airport. Vince picked Jason up at the corner ten minutes later. Vince knew better than to ask questions, that could get you killed in an instant. He merely smiled and asked Jason "where to?".

Jason knew that Vince would never tell anyone, not even Sonny, where he was going. "To the airport Vince" he said with a sad smile. Jason never looked back at the corner, never saw the cloaked figure make a phone call.

Chapter 4

Vince pulled up to the terminal and waited for Jason to get out of the cab. He never talked to Jason during the ride to the airport, Mr. Morgan did not look like he was in a talkative mood. Vince knew the bandages on Jason's hand were beginning to leak blood through and just for a moment felt the need to say something. 'Hey boss, you might want to change those bandages before you check in for your flight, they are looking a little rough", Vince said just loud enough for Jason to hear. Just for a split second Vince thought, I shoulda kept my big mouth shut, but Jason thanked him and handed him five thousand dollars and said to keep the change. Vince smiled and told Jason, "Don't worry boss, I didn't see you tonight". Jason nodded to Vince and closed the passenger door.

Jason walked into the terminal and found the closest restroom. He quickly changed his bandage and wrapped up the old ones. He had noticed someone cleaning the women's room and put the bloody rags in the garbage bag on the cleaning cart. He knew that they would dump that bag straight in the dumpster out back. Jason wanted no trace of his exit to be found by anyone. He walked out to find the ticket counter.

Just as he found a young guy working the only counter open, his phone rang. Looking at the ID on the front it showed Carly's number. "Great, just what I needed" Jason hit's the fu button. He cant bear to hear how Jax is treating her or how she provoked someone into a fight with her or better yet she has found this wonderful person and I know you will just love her routine.

"Why couldn't she just let him live his own life?" Jason mused as he looked around for a garbage can. He found one and to his amazement it had a half empty cup of coffee in it. He looked at his phone one last time and then dropped it into the coffee cup. He knew the liquid would destroy his phone. He smiled at the thought. Turning he walked to the young man at the ticket counter.

"I would like a seat on the next available flight out of Port Charles, one way" Jason said as he looked the young man over. He knew he needed to do this without too much hassle.

'Okay sir, where are you going?" said the twenty something young man with a forced smile. "It doesn't matter just as long as it leaves tonight" Jason said with an equally forced smile.

The clerk took in Jason's looks and decided that maybe anywhere was where he needed to be, just not here. Jason looked like hell to the clerk, bandages on his hand, dark circles around his eyes, but his eyes themselves were scary. They had no life to them, just empty. The young man started to worry that maybe he needed to call security and Jason saw that thought flash over his young face.

Jason pulled out "his" ID and a wad of cash. He dropped a few of thousand on the counter and asked if that would cover the cost of the flight? The young man picked up the money and said I still don't know where you want to go with a huge smile. He quickly put the money in his pocket before anyone could see him.

Jason just looked at the clerk and sighed a long deep breath, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Just as he looked up the clerk says with a big grin "how about Virginia?"

Chapter 5

Helena Cassidine sat outside the airport terminal in her limo. She was smiling at the video screen in front of her. Jason Morgan was bribing a young and not so bright clerk to get a one way ticket out of port charles. Bribing wasn't the exact words but they fit the situation, she laughed to herself.

She knew that it had only been a matter of time before Jason would leave town. She had been reading his thoughts at the bridge, listening to the emotions that only came to the surface out there in the solitude of the night. She felt like she knew Jason Morgan better than anyone else at the moment. He needed to escape the petty lives that filled his life. God, those people were so needy, whiny,and pathetic. They all wanted something from Jason, but never giving anything in return.

Don't get me wrong, I want something from you too Mr. Morgan, Helena smiled, but I will be giving you something in return. She signaled her driver to go.


End file.
